Answers to Questions & Accusations, Including Submissions Guidelines & How to Contact Us
About Johnny America
Johnny America is a large rabbit who lives in a bungalow on the Moon between two rivers of wine (one red, one white). He is the also namesake of this website of fiction, humor, and other miscellany and of the Johnny America print zine that’s published about twice a year by the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society (ISSN 1553-9177).
Johnny America spends most of his days lounging against a low crater, fishing rod in paw. Some afternoons he helps plow the cheese fields — to earn extra money for carrots — but usually he’s in the valley cut by the Mercer and Mancini Rivers, idling. The fish on the Moon are constantly drunk and easy to catch. They look almost exactly like bass but taste of marmalade and cinnamon.
From time to time Johnny casts his line toward Earth, slides down the filament, and calls a meeting of the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society. The meetings are typically pot-luck affairs. Johnny contributes wine and Moon cheese, which is lighter than Earth cheese because gravity is not so greedy there. Emily brings delicious Scotch and tiramisu; Jonathan offers tonic, gin, and vegetable korma. Patrick supplies bourbon, Coca-Cola, and crawfish gumbo. When Aaron arrives, the party really hops — he brings still more Scotch, plus buckets of extra-crispy chicken, since his kitchen is very small and he doesn’t care for cooking. Others bring other things too numerous to enumerate. A good time is had by all.
Moon Rabbits: I am going to go ahead right now and make a very bold announcement: if there is room for me on any of your many beach and/or poker excursions, i would be very interested in coming along! I think you know by now just how very verymuch I love the beach based on our last seaside adventure during which i was the onlyone dressed in appropriately beachy attire — however, if that is not enough to convince you of my worth as a beach companion, let me just make a second announcement: I recently purchased my first real bikini (i.e. not purchased from Tati, the parisian discount “boutique” that ranks below DEE DEE in terms of its patheticness!). My fate is in your hands.
Despite subsequently extending an invitation to a Jersey Shore surfing and poker excursion, this acquaintance of the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society claimed she was feeling “headachy” when it came time to catch a train.
If you would like to contact a specific contributor
You’ll find this list of our attractive but aloof contributors extremely handy. Many listings include author e-mail addresses and links to contributor’s websites.
What About O.J.?
He loved too hard.
What About Dogs?
They should not eat socks.
And also
No one likes to hear about children or dogs unless they also have children or dogs. If they feel compelled to speak, child-raising, dog-centric people should speak of their bowel movements to childless, dogless individuals — it is far more interesting to the childless and dogless than talk of babies and the funny thing your dog did that was perhaps the funniest thing ever done by a dog in the history of all dogs.
What about cats?
They are hilarious and beautiful and should be discussed at every opportunity.
For Comments, Suggestions, Criticism, or Trades
There are numerous ways to contact us:
Our e-mail address for general correspondence is johnnyamerica@johnnyamerica.net. Please do not send submissions to this address
We welcome and encourage gifts, trades, and unsolicited baked goods. Send cookies, books, ’zines, and racy Polaroids to:
Johnny America
P.O. BOX 44-2001
Lawrence, KS 66044
U.S.A.
Invitations to hip hop shows and gallery openings in Osaka are also welcome — contact us for our address in prefecture four-seven.
About Submissions
Are closed for the moment. Possibly indefinitely but to be honest we’re not sure.
Sweet Lobster, You are obsessed w/ cleanliness — how can you possibly like me, when I look all the time as if I just run away from home? Exactly how often do you wash your car, inside and out?
This query baffled and delighted us. We offer no response.
What of Copyrights?
All items on this web site and in the print magazine are © Copyrighted and are not to be stolen. Stories published here are the intellectual property of their authors. Site design and uncredited text are © Copyright 2003–3003 by the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society.
Other Miscellany
People truly ask, so we’ll answer: the serif typeface we use for the magazine is ‘Perpetua,’ designed by Eric Gill in 1928. It’s named in honor of Vibia Perpetua, the patron saint of cattle. A Roman Christian, Emperor Severus sentenced her to death by stampede when she refused to deny her main man J.C. After a mad heifer trampling through an arena failed to do her in, she helped guide a nervous gladiator’s sword to her throat and her martyrdom was cinched. You were a strange girl, Perpetua, but you inspired a lovely typeface.
The rounded sans-serif we started using with Issue Five is ‘Gotham Rounded,’ a new-ish typeface from the foundry Hoefler & Frere-Jones. It is a versatile font, expressing “sass” in its heavier weights and embodying “class” in its ‘Light’ and ‘Light Italic.’ Like a cheerleader, its letterforms are pleasantly rounded.
If you have a web site and would like to link to us
You are encouraged to do so, free of charge. We are well-respected but surprisingly unpopular, and could use the publicity. If you let us know about your link, chances are good we’ll add you to our list of friends.