Our Letter of the Week prize goes to ‘daveeggers2020’ who writes,

“Boy is this site lame. Almost as bad as my own writing. Pretentious? You bet!! And Brooklyn??!!!???… That’s so 2002. Give it up suckers .You blow”

Dear “Mr. Eggers,”

Thank you for your concern. As for your criticisms of our site, we can only agree that it’s all true. Regarding your own writing, we at Johnny America have long believed it too was lame and pretentious (even more so than ours!), except for one Miss Stephanie Wakefield who thinks it “so contrived it’s cute.”

Sincerely,

Johnny America

P.S. Derek Gray would like to request a refund for his copy of You Shall Know Our Velocity, stating resentment over purchasing those words all over again with his acquisition of Sacrament, which he asked us to tell you he thought “quite good but a little costly for a novel.”