Using a deadly combination of custom spyware and server “cookies,” every month the Johnny America Internet Team tracks which search engine queries lead visitors to this web site. Why the search engines send us these world wide web travelers, we do not know.

• “voluptuous hula hula girls”
• “herb for abrasions harmonica”
• “how to make a sarcophagus”
• “boston cream donut illustration”
• “badgers horribly mauling humans”
• “price of cafeteria food so costly”
• “if this train were any more crowded i d be standing in your pants”
• “saint patrick’s day dog costume”