I have some trouble expressing my most inner feelings. (I guess that I do as most people do.) But I have found in cooking a perfect way to express myself. I have come up with a feeling-recipe matching system that allows me to let it all out.

See for yourself. This is exactly what I ate:

1. When I found out that my father was sleeping with my wife (since last Christmas): Garlicky fish stew Corfu Island Style Ingredients:
   2 tablespoons unsalted butter
   3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
   2 medium onions, halved and thinly sliced
   8 to 10 garlic cloves, to taste, chopped
   6 to 8 medium waxy potatoes, to taste, peeled and cut into large cubes
   Salt and freshly-ground black pepper to taste
   6 to 9 old 80s Playboy issues (cut very thin)
   2 1/2 to 3 pounds grey mullet or whiting, cleaned and gutted
   Juice of 1 lemon
   3 tablespoons chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley for garnish How to prepare it:
   Leave everything raw. It makes 4 to 6 servings.
2. When I woke up the morning after I slept with my boss: Jamaican jerk burgers with chipotle mayonnaise Ingredients:
   1 cup mayonnaise
   3 tablespoons orange juice
   1 tablespoon minced canned chipotle chilies
   Jerk sauce (Abundantly)
   1 bunch green onions, coarsely chopped (about 1 1/2 cups)
   1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme
   1 small habañero chili or 2 medium jalapeño chilies
   1 garlic clove, peeled
   1/2 cup vegetable oil
   3 tablespoons of are-you-out-of-your-fucking-mind-or-what
   1/2 cup soy sauce
   2 pounds ground beef
   6 sesame-seed hamburger buns, toasted
   1 onion, thinly sliced
   3 tomatoes, sliced
   6 romaine lettuce leaves
   How to prepare it:
   Mix all ingredients in small bowl. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
3. That time when those twin sisters that I picked up at the Fat Duck (when I was still married) turned me down and decided to make out in my bed (at the hotel) and leave me out: Clam and mussel stew with 'Capocollo' and 'Vesuvius' tomatoes Ingredients:
   2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
   2 large leeks, halved lengthwise
   1 tablespoon chopped garlic
   12 halves Vesuvius Tomatoes
   1/3 cup dry white wine
   1/2 cup of self-pity
   24 littleneck clams, scrubbed
   2 cups bottled clam juice
   32 mussels, scrubbed, debearded
   6 ounces capocollo (or country ham)
   1/3 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley
   2 cups finely chopped onions
   12 large ripe plum tomatoes, halved lengthwise
   1/8 teaspoon dried crushed red pepper
   How to prepare it:
   Preheat oven to 250°F. Add everything. Let it all die in the oven for two hours. Worry first about finding all these ingredients.
4. When my new fiancée, Christine, who I had been dating for two months (right after I got the divorce) revealed that she was into bondage: Apricot leather 6 fresh apricots (about 1 pound)
   3/4 cup sugar
   2 belts How to prepare it:
   Preheat oven to 200°F. Leave it… how about an hour? Eat directly from the dish. No fork or spoons allowed.
5. The day after I got out of jail after being mistakenly accused (that means I was innocent) of raping the corpse of the former city major's 87 year old mother in the outskirts of Amarillo, Texas (I was 18, back then): Dried cherry buttermilk scones Ingredients:
   1/2 cup buttermilk plus 1/4 cup for brushing the scones
   1 large egg
   3 tablespoons light brown sugar
   1 teaspoon vanilla
   2 1/4 cups cake flour (not self-rising)
   1 tablespoon double-acting baking powder
   1/2 teaspoon baking soda
   1/2 teaspoon salt
   3 to 10 chords of a Mandolina
   3/4 stick (6 tablespoons) cold unsalted butter, cut into bits
   1/2 cup dried sour cherries (available at specialty foods shops)
   granulated sugar for sprinkling How to prepare it:
   For 7 scones: In a bowl whisk gently 1/2 cup of the buttermilk, the egg, the brown sugar, and the vanilla until the resulting mixture is combined well... and buy a cooking book. This is a damned complicated recipe.