Using a deadly combination of custom spyware and server “cookies,” every month the Johnny America Internet Team tracks which search engine queries lead visitors to this web site. Why the search engines send us these world wide web travelers, we do not know.

• “giraffe cornering me in a dream”
• “he slapped her, yes sir, her ass”
• “getting a girl to like you using telepathy”
• “how to make chicken fingers that taste just like those from burger king”