From time to time one of our generous readers will write us asking if they can send a dollar or two our way — like most literary endeavors we’re constantly broke, so we’re happy to accept such patronage and offer our gratitude for these gratuities. If you like what we do and feel inclined to slide some change to the Moon Rabbit Drinking Club & Benevolence Society, you’ll find this link to our PayPal-powered tip jar a convenient method to give us your money:

We also have an Amazon Affiliate Link should you feel like ordering yourself a present from Amazon and crediting us with a tiny commission on the transaction (you pay the same, we get a cut from Amazon).

Panhandling Aside

It was suggested by one of our contributors that we develop a list of tips, tricks, ideas, and processes our readers might find useful and post it to this web page. Oh yes, oh yes — good idea. We’ve asked our intern, Richard the Intern, to do exactly that.

Tips

1.

Though it feels morally and aesthetically wrong, know that Coca-Cola’s a serviceable mixer for London’s favorite liquor. Recommended, no; delicious, not quite — but when you’ve got thirsty friends in your living room and the 24-hour bodega’s inexplicably closed, it’s a far finer combination than dry gin and coffee.

2.

Bald men can be attractive, but bald women are invariably repellent. If you must be bald, and a woman, be a man and buy a wig.

3.

Extra-marital hanky-panky is not infidelity if it’s with Beyoncé Knowles. For a Husband or Wife to deny their partner any attention Beyoncé should choose to show them is to prove an absence of concern for their spouse’s happiness, thus invalidating the marriage. If it happens with Beyoncé, it is morally right.

4.

It is impossible to look attractive while wearing Rollerblades. Imagine Eric Bana laced into a pair of inline kicks: all his manliness would evaporate. Picture Beyoncé wearing inline skates; conjur the image and contemptate. Not even Beyoncé’s wonderous looks can compensate for the goofiness of Rollerblades. To own a pair is to not care about beauty.

5.

Pefect name for a gay death metal band: Black Rainbow. I would form it myself but I cannot play guitar and am not yet sufficiently homosexual.

6.

Office workers are never suspicious of dental appointments. Schedule three, four a year — no one will think you truant as you nap in the unisex restroom on the blanket you sneaked into work in your briefcase.

7.

If reason fails, tell your adversary they can suck it.

8.

Build a man a fire, he’s warm for a day. Light a man on fire, and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

9.

If you want to make a million dollars, write the Great American Children’s novel. I’m working on one now, about three interracial runaways who, along with a friendly raccoon, travel back in time to stop the assassinations of Lincoln, Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy. In a thrilling scene at the county fair, protagonist Beyoncé McClatchy and her best friend Tony Bologney manage to sneak past security by disguising themselves in neck-to-shoulders “bee beards.” It will probably be the best children’s novel ever written.